Creative energies re-charged

Well, am feeling so much more cheerful right now.

It's amazing how uplifting it is to complete a project, especially one where you have a bit of creative licence (as opposed to the projects they give you at work in an office). My first publication as a magazine editor has finally gone to print, and I picked up the precious boxes containing 300 copies of my work this afternoon. Spent the evening cramming them into envelopes and they're going out to the subscribers tomorrow. Mildly stressed at the possible reactions, but so relieved my "baby" has finally arrived in the world. :-) Found two minute mistakes ("he" instead of "the", and "2" instead of "1")already... which devasted me to start with... I felt my entire work was ruined by these minor faults.. but have since calmed down.

I'll never ever tell a musician ever to chill out when there's one minor un-noticeable fault in a recording that's gone out or a performance that's being broadcast. I kind of get where they're coming from now. Before I've always believed that if the whole product is good and the so called "mistakes" are so minute that hardly anyone will notice them, what does it matter. Now I understand the heart breaking realisation that these little mistakes sully your creative output in a heartbreaking way. A little karma for me, a small lesson to learn from.

Anyway, Am tired from all the evnvelope filling but quite releaved that my first publication is over with. Shall have a few days rest then begin preparation for the December issue. :-)

curbing the musician habit...

I've now told all my "boys" that I am no longer available to drop everything and go running to rescue them in their hour of need whenever and wherever in the country they're gigging when their world starts to crumble at the edges... basically cos I've turned up too many times to discover they've got someone else in a shorter skirt than me attempting to assist them and making me feel quite redundant.

I'm fed up of being second best when the "woman they love" doesn't understand their needs or lifestyle like I do. And I'm also fed up of being told I am the most important person in their whole world... but that I'll have to wait a second til they get rid of the substitues they'd lined up while I was busy being at work! And work is a problem too when you work in a theatre and there's this endless supply of new tortured-yet-exciting-musicians that need looking after... it used to be incredibly convenient, but now my work and personal life are becomming really entangled and making each other seem more horriffic.

So I should give all the silly musicians up... but I'm not too sure if I can actually curb my "musician habit" full time, I'm only a few weeks into my Cold Turkey and I'm beginning to loose the plot. I miss that ethereal sparkle that goes on around creative types, and it never sparkles in any personality more than that of a musician. I feel all the fun's disappeared out of my life. I'm getting that need to do impulsively silly things again just to make it feel like I'm actually alive, and that there's a point to being here on this earth.

As Miss Pamela said in her second book, "...all of us have moments in life where time stands still for a few illuminating, mesmerizing split seconds and we are brilliantly grateful to be in our bodies, on the planet, ALIVE right now!! The reason for being comes into focus, everything shimmers with clarity, and The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Music. Know what I mean?..." ...I know what she means, but I'm just not shimmering with clarity right now, I'm boringly pondering the thought of existing without the buzz of live rock music, and it doesn't look fun. Stable, stress free, easy to deal with and highly unlikely to break my heart... but sooo boring that you wonder why you should bother getting up in the morning!

I'd try taking up art again but I don't think it would fulfil the need. Rock'n'Roll is so instant, you don't have to spend months creating each individual masterpiece, you can form your piece of work and then re-produce it with slight alterations so many times at each gig and on each recording... and your audience doesn't even have to sit, examine and ponder the meaning of it all (although that does enhance the music once you go through that process). There's that instant spiritual buzz that only music and deep meditation can produce... and I'm not even in a meditating mood... I'd meditate on the thought of being exceedingly bored.

It's a little bit easier at work now that I've been allowed to hide away from the performers in the office and get on with paperwork and greeting the "great British public" (and what a bizarre lot they are... whoever says musicians are from another planet needs to meet this lot!). But work is becomming boring now too, I feel like I need a change of lifestyle. It is lovely to sit and discuss people's reactions to certain performances which I didn't used to get... but the reactive discussions aren't half as fun as the creative ones.

I miss them already... I need a cure for musician addiction... or a suitable substitute to keep me occupied... maybe I'll finally get round to moving to Italy and spending my life adoring Botticelli paintings and eating pasta, pizza and ice cream!

About Me

Beatle Girls: I have an endless fascination with the Beatles' wives and girlfriends. It seems silly how many girls hate them out of sheer rediculous jealousy. Those four lads had fantastic taste in women, so many of them were so deeply inspirational... in their careers, their passions, their talents and even just their day to day behaviour, how they got on in the world. Maureen is my favourite by far, I think she's absoloute perfection. Wish she were still around.

Vintage Fashion: I love that Coco Chanel quote "I'm against fashion that doesn't last. I cannot accept that you throw your clothes away just because it is Spring" I also can't understand why everyone insists that their clothes are a reflection of who they are... and then they go out and buy exactly what everyone else around them is wearing... what does that say about you? That you're a sheep with no mind of your own? That you're completley ruled by peer pressure?
I can't stand all that. I wear what I want... which is mainly slightly far out and often from the 1960s. I love all the brightly coloured geometric fashions and am most comfortable in a polo neck, mini skirt and kitten heels. The beautiful Dollyrockers range created by Samuel Sherman, the geometric clothing by Quant's Ginger Group. But I also like the 1970s and even 1990s clothes on Barbara Hulanicki's Biba label which make up a large part of my daytime wardrobe... Dollyrockers being the main label in me evening wardrobe. I like Pucci for nightwear cos it's far-out but pretty. One nightie looks like it's fallen out of the Yellow Submaine film, and the next is all soft chocolate and lace. And whoever invented fishnet stockings, knee high boots, velvet jackets and stiletto heels should all be given knighthoods because I couldn't be me without any of those.

Music and Musicians: My musician habit is probably my greatest vice, but how could you not love musicians when they create something as magical and earthshatteringly powerful as music. I don't even care what era or type of music it is, so long as it's created by real inspirational talented people I can usually appreciate it. Classic Rock by The Who and Led Zep is amazing, and Poison by Alice Cooper was disturbingly one of my favourite songs as a child. But then there's the soft warm comfort of a Dean Martin song, the thrill of Gene Krupa setting the room on fire with a drum beat, Billie Holiday making the cold world just that little bit more shivery yet bearable, the Beatles making everything nice and shiny and cuddly again, the Lightning Seeds making sunbeams and rainbows bounce around in your soul, and each and every fabulous amazing creative person out there that catches another little magic part of my soul and makes it sing. I'm particularly fascinated with drumming and think drummers are the best invention on the whole planet (so I'm totally into that Hindu idea that the universe was created with a drum beat rather than a big bang - yay Shiva!), but bassists are particularly dark and thrilling too, the guitarists putting all the magic stuff in there that you can't quite pin down... and lead singers are sometimes alright I guess when their egos don't get in the way of their existance and their body doesn't get imbetween me and a good view of the drummer!